Repost

I'm reposting this on my spiritual blog as well as my family blog. It deserves to be in my spiritual journal.

I've been thinking a lot about my children lately and how grateful I am for them. They are such wonderful little people and I truly feel blessed to be their mother. They make me a better person day by day as I learn patience and unselfishness and putting others first. They help me to strive to live the gospel more fully as I try to show them a good example and teach them correct principles. One kiss or smile or hug or "I love you, mommy" can melt away frustration and grumpiness and remind me how pure and innocent they really are.

I've had this on my mind lately because in the last week I've read and listened to two separate talks by members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles where they both stated neither of them could afford their seven or ten children when they had them. This has been true for us all three times we been pregnant. This time I felt sure that we were finally going to be ready financially to have a baby and then low and behold Jared lost his job two weeks before we found out we were pregnant. With him being unemployed again for the past few months and just lately working again it seems like a crazy time for anyone to be having a child especially in a foreign country. But when I get discouraged I look at my two beautiful boys and remember how they both came at really hard times but now that they are here I wouldn't trade them for anything. Sometimes I think back to before Miles was born and think about how life would be so different if we had just waited another year to have him. It would have meant a year of me making $60K as a dental hygienist and Jared getting out of grad school debt free. I guess to the world the choice would have been obviously for choosing income over a baby. But really the choice was obvious to me that there was no point in delaying something we have been commanded to do. So here we are years later with student loan payments but two beautiful boys and our baby girl on the way. And although I might have looked back to compare how different my life would have been- I have never regretted my decision to have children when we did- not for one single second. And yes, we don't own a house or a car and probably won't for many years. And we might be in school loan debt for years to come as well. But I'd rather have my family and my babies than a mortgage on an empty house any day.

Miles and Colin and baby girl, I just want to write this down for you my darlings, so someday you can read it and know how valued and loved you are.

Love, Mom

Current Favorite Scriptures

It's been a hard day. But I'm so grateful for these scriptures that brought peace and comfort when I needed it.

Alma 26:35-37
35 Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

36 Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

37 Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every bpeople, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

2nd Corinthians 4:8-9
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

An Eternal Perspective

I was thinking about how important it is to have an eternal perspective and what a gift that is to know that there is more to come after this life.

I think that focusing on that helps us to better deal with the challenges we face. Most people would not break the law if they absolutely knew they were going to be caught. Likewise a person who understood that they would be richly rewarded if they could just go through a series of hard things would do all the could to gain that reward.

I feel very blessed to have the faith I do and to have such hope in things to come. It helps me to endure and to focus on what is really important.

Patience

Tonight I was reading in an old Book of Mormon Institute Manual and I came across this section by Elder Neal A. Maxwell. I really liked what he had to say on patience.

The necessity of our having this intriguing attribute is cited several times in the scriptures, including by King Benjamin, who clustered the attributes of a saint, and patience was a charter member of that cluster (see Mosiah 3:19; see also Alma 7:23).

Patience is not indifference. Actually, it is caring very much, but being willing, nevertheless, to submit both to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the “process of time.”

Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience, as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship.

We read in Mosiah about how the Lord simultaneously tries the patience of his people even as he tries their faith (see Mosiah 23:21). One is not only to endure—but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord “seeth fit to inflict upon [us]” (Mosiah 3:19), just as did a group of ancient American Saints who were beating unusual burdens but who submitted “cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15).

The Lord has twice said: “And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life” (D&C 101:38, italics added; see also Luke 21:19). Could it be that only when our self-control has become total do we come into true possession of our own souls?

The Song of the Righteous is a Prayer unto Me

About 7 years ago I was driving in my car on a Sunday afternoon to Jared's house to spend the rest of the day with him. We were engaged at the time. I was singing along with the radio. It was a primary song. I remember thinking about the words and what a powerful message was contained in that simple song. I remember thinking how powerful those songs could be to my future children and that I should start singing to them at a young age, teaching them principles of the gospel through music.

Fast forward to present day. My beautiful little boys are put to bed every night with prayers, and hugs and kisses. And then after the lights go off we sing to them. We sing hymns and primary songs. Sometimes they hum or sing quietly along. Sometimes they just listen. But the point is they do listen.

I am so grateful for those primary songs and how they allow me to teach gospel truths at the tenderest of ages.

"I am a Child of God"

"Love is Spoken Here"

"Love at Home"

"I Love to see the Temple"

"I'm trying to be like Jesus"

I love knowing that when I close the door on my little boys, one of the last things they hear is their mother singing of love. That is a precious thought.

Miracles Can and Do Happen...

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced Monday it has established a relationship with the People's Republic of China. The Church expects it will now lead to what it calls "regularized" operations for the church in the most populous nation in the world.

It seems this is a significant milestone in the Church's efforts with the Chinese government, which have been ongoing for more than 30 years.

While the Church makes it clear its agreement with Chinese leaders does not mean LDS missionaries will go to China, it appears there will now be fewer restrictions for members of the Church who live in China as they practice their faith.

At a meeting held Aug. 24 at LDS Church headquarters, the First Presidency met with a senior official of the People's Republic of China. Together they established a relationship, which the Church expects will lead to "regularizing the activities of the Church in China."

"The Church deeply appreciates the courtesy of the Chinese leadership in opening up a way to better define how the Church and its members can proceed with daily activities, all in harmony with Chinese law," LDS Church spokesman Michael Otterson said Monday.

Both sides agreed to publicly acknowledge the meeting. LDS members with connections to China believe the announcement is a major breakthrough for the LDS Church.

"It's really exciting to me," Church member Justin Alder said. "I think it's a big step forward."

Alder worked in China last summer and attended LDS meetings in Shanghai with about 100 other Latter-day Saints. Chinese citizens who became members the Church while living outside of China were required meet separately from foreign Church members.

"[We] couldn't go to church with them, but there is a few there. Most of them [were] baptized out of China -- whether it was California, Toronto or New York," Alder said.

Some believe this agreement could mean members will soon be able meet together and the Church could own property instead of holding meetings in hotels or offices.

Church members with roots in China say LDS Church standards are similar to traditional Chinese values and believe the Church has respected regulations put into place by the Chinese government, thus establishing a level of trust.

"They have become thoroughly familiar with us through numerous contacts, and they have seen how we and our members operate in China. They know that we are people of our word when it comes to respecting Chinese law and cultural expectations," Otterson said.

"Based on the past 30 years, the Church has accomplished a great deal because of these ongoing efforts and also the good example of the saints over in China," said Church member Simeon Ning.

KSL News did ask if former the Utah governor and current U.S. Ambassador to China, Jon Huntsman, was involved in the discussions. Church officials insist he had no role and say that no U.S. diplomats were involved. They say it is the result of direct communication between the Chinese government and Church leaders.

Broken Hearts

3rd Nephi
9:20 "And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit..."
9:22 "Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God..."

I've been pondering on this chapter in 3rd Nephi for the past few days. I've been thinking about the trials in my life and how essential they have been to "break my heart" and make me turn towards my Savior and my Heavenly Father. I believe that is why our Heavenly Father allows such things to happen to us and doesn't give us an easy out.

As parents we don't compel our children in their choices. We guide them, but we allow them to make mistakes, trusting that they need to learn for themselves. In looking at my little son Miles I've come to understand just a little bit of how our Heavenly Father must feel when we turn to him with our broken hearts. I do not enjoy my role as disciplinarian but I do want to give my son consequences for bad behavior so that he'll learn. And oh, how sweet and tender he is when he comes to me afterward, crawls into my arms, and says, "I'm sorry, mommy." How happy I am to see his remorse and hear from his lips that he is truly penitent and humble.

I as a parent can see how necessary these experiences are to my little son, whom I love so dearly. Shouldn't I also, as a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, see how essential it is that I be given experiences that "break my heart" and make me want to turn to my Father in Heaven and to my Savior?

For the Savior also said, "...will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?"(3rd Nephi9:13)

What need have we of the Savior if not to be healed from our broken hearts?

Object Lesson

I have been thinking a lot lately about an object lesson my friend Christina and I taught years ago at laurel camp.

The object lesson goes like this:

You have a jar that represents how much time you have in your day. Just like the jar; your day can only hold so much. You have a bunch of sand that represents all the secular activities you have to do that day: grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, a job, hobbies, etc. You also have a bunch of ping pong balls that represent spiritual things. If you try and put the sand in first and then put the ping pong balls in last, you find that you run out of space for all of the balls to fit. Put if you place the balls in the jar and then pour in the sand you find that you can fit both the balls and the sand in the bottle.

The take away from this object lesson is that if we make time for spiritual things first (i.e. reading scriptures, family prayer, personal prayer), then we can fit all the spiritual things and secular things we need to accomplish in our days. If we leave spiritual things until the end of the day, they often get crowded out by other things that are more urgent. Many times we find at 11:00p.m. that we are too tired to read our scriptures, or if we do, we find that we don’t receive a lot of benefit from them.

I admit to using repetitive phrases in my prayers and one of them is, “Please help me (or us) to have the Spirit today,” But lately I’ve changed it up a little, “Please help me to do the things today that will bring the Spirit.”

It seems like this has always been a constant struggle for me (But then again, who doesn’t struggle to keep up their personal spiritual study?) but it seems like it is even harder in China where there is just so much more to do. Trips to the grocery store are a 3 hour round trip, dishes have to be washed by hand, laundry takes longer, hardwood floors that have to be swept with the dust mop every other day. In truth I have struggled with personal study. But how desperately I need to do the things that keep the Spirit with me, especially at a time when my church calling prevents me from attending Relief Society or Sunday School. At a time in my life where I don’t get to associate with Christians on a daily basis.

How can we expect to reflect the light of Christ to others if we aren’t replenishing our own stores of oil? For myself I feel a responsibility living in this land, to be a good example, but more than anything there is a joy and a peace that comes into my life by putting spiritual things first. My spiritual barometer has been falling lately and I need to “do the things that bring the Spirit”

"The time is past..."

3 Nephi 1:5-6

5."But there were some who began to say that the time was past for the words to be fulfilled..."

6. "And they began to rejoice over their brethren, saying: Behold the time is past and the words of Samuel are not fulfilled; therefore, your joy and your faith concerning this thing hath been in vain."

I was reading my scriptures the other day and I came across these verses in 3rd Nephi. These verses and the verses that follow about the reaction of the people to the signs of the Savior's birth made me think. It struck me how quick we all are to explain away our spiritual experiences or to doubt our own personal revelations when the going gets rough.

I know for me there have been some really dark days this past year where I have questioned what I knew in my heart to be the right course, but my head and my logic said was impossible. I have to say one of the things I am most grateful for this past year was the journal I kept. It wasn't a daily journal, but when I did have a big spiritual experience I tried to write it down. It helped so much to be able to go back and sit and remember the spirit of what I felt and to feel peace and reassurance. To know that I didn't imagine those feelings and impressions; they were real. I remember hearing once, that peace is the only emotion for which the adversary does not have a counterfeit. The times that were the hardest this past year, that was what I was praying for: peace.

I simply loved Sister Beck's last conference talk and I've thought a lot about everything she said in it. One things I've thought a lot about was when she said, "Those who earnestly seek help through prayer and scripture study often have a paper and pencil nearby to write questions and record impressions and ideas." I wish I was better at this. I feel like I have grown to love the scriptures so much this year and I have a deeper appreciation for them because of the personal revelation and impressions I have received while reading them. I wish I had written more of my thoughts down.

Jared and I had a talk the other day about why it was so hard this past year. Why didn't the Lord show us immediately which path to take and open the way. Why were there seemingly so many roadblocks when we knew we were trying to follow the Lord's plan for us? Why did it seem like everyone turned against us just when we needed their support most? It could have been really easy to just turn back and say, "The time has past, it's not working out, it must not be the Lord's plan for us anymore." But we couldn't; we both had received too many witnesses that we needed to follow. If it had been easy, if everything had just worked out with no effort of ours, would we have been demonstrating faith in the Lord?

Faith means enduring, even when the taunting of the world and the lies of the adversary would have you believe that the "time has past." Of course we all doubt, we are human. Of course we forget the feelings. Of course we forget the words to that powerful blessing. I think the key thing is to do is to, as Alma put it, "Remember." For me that means writing it down, so I can remember.

My Church Talk

The theme of my talk today is taken from D&C 58:27

“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause”

I’ve been thinking about how to apply this phrase. This scripture could mean something entirely different to someone else, but I thought of each of our membership in this church and particularly the challenges of being members living in China.

In Sister Beck’s last conference talk she quoted President Kimball.

“Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world. . .”

Today I want to focus on that thought. I’ve been thinking lately of how I measure up to this standard. Do I truly reflect the Light of Christ? Am I doing the so-called duties and callings that I’ve been given cheerfully? Most of all is I seen by the people around me as different in “happy ways?”

Paul stated in 1 Timothy, “Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

I remember just under a year ago sitting in a Relief Society meeting that had a profound impact on me. I don’t recall exactly what the topic of the lesson was, but I do remember an experience one of the sisters shared. This particular sister had a non-member friend who she frequently visited with while picking up their children from school or picking up them up from each other’s houses. One day this sister was complaining about how busy she was and how many demands she had on her time, and particularly, how much was required of her with regards to her church callings. It seems that they had similar conversations in the past as well. This friend made the comment, “So why do you belong to this church if it’s making you so stressed and miserable.” I still remember this sister relating her mortification at this response to her constant complaining. She had failed to relate the “good news” of the gospel and was not demonstrating the “happy ways” of being a follower of Christ’s true church. From hearing this story I became more determined to fulfill all my callings, in particular my callings as a mother and a wife, with less murmuring. I decided right then and there to try not to burden others with my trials, but instead to try to be more patient and longsuffering.

So why in particular is this so important here in China?

The Savior during his earthly ministry gave us this scripture found in both the New Testament and the Book of Mormon, “Behold do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house; Therefore let your light so shine before this people that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

Brothers and Sisters I would like to share with you a series of quotes given in a 1974 talk by President Kimball entitled, “When the World will be Converted”

“The scriptures are replete with commands and promises and calls and rewards for teaching the gospel. I use the word command deliberately for it seems to be an insistent directive from which we, singly and collectively, cannot escape.

I think of the numerous nations that are still untouched. I know they have curtains, like iron curtains and bamboo curtains. I know how difficult it is because we have made some efforts. Surely the Lord knew what he was doing when he commanded.

I believe the Lord can do anything he sets his mind to do.

But I can see no good reason why the Lord would open doors that we are not prepared to enter. Why should he break down the Iron Curtain or the Bamboo Curtain or any other curtain if we are still unprepared to enter?

I believe we have men who could help the apostles to open these doors—statesmen, able and trustworthy—but, when we are ready for them.

We will need to make a full, prayerful study of the nations of the world which do not have the gospel at this time, and then bring into play our strongest and most able men to assist the Twelve to move out into the world and to open the doors of every nation as fast as it is ready. I believe we have many men in the Church who can be helpful to us, who are naturally gifted diplomats. I believe we should bring them to our aid and as stated before, I have faith that the Lord will open doors when we have done everything in our power.”

While we may not be allowed to proselyte or bear testimony to our friends, coworkers or neighbors, it is my belief that we all have a solemn responsibility to be emissaries of Christ. To reflect his love and light to all that we meet through our examples. The old adage rings true, “Live in such a way that people who know you but don't know Christ will want to know Christ because they know you.”

I know things are stressful living here in China. I’ve only been here a few months, but I have definitely felt it. Husbands work hard long hours. Wires at times may feel isolated and homesick for family members and friends in other countries. Single brothers and sisters each have their own unique frustrations. Transportation can be a challenge. Many daily tasks are more difficult.

In Elder Martino’s talk from this last General Conference he commented on the struggles his youngest son had as he moved to a foreign country during his high school years. I quote from Elder Martino’s talk; “In an amazing turn of events, the experience went from one of trial to a huge blessing in his life. He accomplished this by changing his own attitude.

I daily have to remind myself that the Lord will not change my circumstances and that it is up to me to change my attitude.

I myself had -for lack of a better word- let’s call it a homesick day, yesterday. Jared had been gone to Hong Kong for several days and for various reasons, things had been a little hard while he was gone. Needless to say I was not in the best of moods. I went out to do some shopping, grumpy and already frustrated. The typical challenges of such a trip did not improve my mood and needless to say I was not very gracious to the people I encountered. Through adjusting my attitude and reading my scriptures later that night I found my mood lightened. I asked my sweet husband to forgive me which of course he already had. But unfortunately it was too late for the people I encountered while I was shopping. Instead of projecting Christlike love and kindness I just went about the task. Instead of my usual smile and “Xie, Xie, Ni” I just collected my change and went home. To us it is nothing uncommon to encounter the people native to this country, but if you think about it, the people you meet each day are truly having a one in a million chance to rub shoulders or exchange words with a member of the true church of Jesus Christ. I will probably never see those people I encountered again and what kind of an impression did I leave them with?

In the same chapter of the D&C where this scripture was taken it states in verses 6 and 7.

“Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you—that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be prepared to bear testimony of the things which are to come; And also that you might be honored in laying the foundation”

In D&C 64:33 it also states

“Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”

It is my prayer that we will take seriously the obligation we have to be witnesses of Christ at all times, and in all things and in all places. And above all that we will project the “happy ways,” the blessings and peace that comes from living the gospel of Jesus Christ. And that we will be anxiously engaged in sharing our testimonies not in words, but in actions and through our example.

Happy Ways

I need to start this blog back up again. I stopped because I was using other's computers and it was so hard to find a private place where I could write down my feelings. But it gave me something to keep me studying the scriptures, or the Ensign or conference talks everyday and I really need to be better at that. I am now a nursery worker in the branch and that means that I miss out on Sunday School and Relief Society. So in other words it is up to me to do my own spiritual study!

I have been thinking a lot these past couple days about Sister Beck's conference talk from this past Conference and in particular this quote:

"Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world. . . ."

Being in China I feel some frustrations about the inability to be able to share my testimony or even talk about the church or my beliefs with others. I'm not saying that I was the best at it in the States, but just knowing that you are forbidden to do so is aggravating.

I've been thinking about what I can do while I am here and I keep coming back to this quote. I think that one thing I can do is project the "happy ways" of my life. So when I ride the subway or the bus, when I play with my children in public, or try to communicate in what little Mandarin I know, I try to do it all with a positive attitude and and a cheerfulness that might make people stop and take notice. It may not be much but at this time I feel like I'm doing what I can to "be an example of the believers." It helps me as well to moderate my reactions to frustrating things when I realize that I'm being watched all of the time. I hope I can reflect Christlike love and kindness to the Chinese people around me.

So Very Thankful

When I knelt down on Wednesday night I said one of the most heartfelt prayers of gratitude that I have ever expressed.

I just can't believe how well everything went and how many blessings I had yesterday in my travels.

Two of my bags were a little overweight, but the guy at the desk didn't bother to weigh them.
He also let me in on a little secret- that I could gate check my carry-on bags at the gate all the way to Philadelphia and not have to mess with them in Phoenix. So I got the benefit of having checked bags, but didn't have to pay an extra $100 a piece they charge for a third checked bag.
My parents were able to get gate passes and helped me through security.
The lady at the gate took my bags down to the end of the jet way for me instead of making me take them.
The gates in Phoenix were 4 gates apart instead of the twenty the lady from the airline on Monody said they would be.
Colin didn't sleep that well, only really cat napped, but his fussiness was minimal.
Miles didn't sleep at all but watched his DVD player or played on the floor. He made absolutely no fuss about wearing his seat belt which was a first. He did just fine pulling his rolling backpack through the Phoenix airport and the Philadelphia airport.
(I asked for an electronic car in Phoenix,(ended up not needing it) but didn't in Philly. But there was one waiting when I got off the plane and we got a ride almost all the way to the baggage claim.
Jennie was there waiting for me with a hug and to carry some of my stuff to the car.
She pulled the car around while I went back to get the luggage. On the way I found an abandoned luggage cart and was able to use it to get my baggage back to the car.
One of my suitcases didn't make it, but it was kind of a blessing in disguise, because I don't think it would have fit in the car with the other 5 suitcases and duffel bags. And they delivered it to Jennie's house first thing yesterday morning, so we didn't even have to go back to the airport or even worry about it.

I could just feel my Heavenly Father's hand in so many things that happened during my trip. I just felt so blessed all day and so watched over.

Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts on my behalf. I know they were answered.

Another tender mercy

Today I was able to meet with both my bishop and a member of the stake presidency to get a new temple recommend.

It was kind of miraculous because they just got my records transfered today back from the Shanghai branch (evidently they transfer the whole family's when they transfered Jared's)
I really wanted to get it done today before I left for New Jersey, but up until this morning I didn't think it was going to happen.

I was grateful for the opportunity to meet with both Bishop Lewis and President Kotter. They are both such wonderful men. President Kotter is one of my dear friends dad's and I just love both him and his sweet wife. I had a nice chat with both of them and they were both so positive about my upcoming adventure.

But I think what was the best thing about both interviews was being able to answer for my worthiness to obtain my temple recommend. I felt such a spirit of peace as I answered the questions and a love for my Savior and my Heavenly Father.

Joy in the Journey

Lately I've been thinking a lot about finding joy in the journey. This phrase was a Young women's theme a few years ago in the ward where I served in the YW presidency and recently it's been coming to my mind a lot.

Jared would tell you that I have whined and complained and murmured my fair share about going to China, about the difficulties of being a single mom right now, and about all the challenges and frustrations we've had along the way. I told Jared when we made this decision to move to China, that I was "not going to be a martyr about it" and I've really tried to stick to that, although at times it all gets to me and I have a break down. But really I try to pick myself back up and plow ahead with more faith and determination after these episodes.

Through it all I think I've done a decent job of not complaining too much, but I feel like I still have been saying to myself, "Poor me, look at how much I have been through and how hard it's been" and "When will this end" and "I'll be so happy when...." That last one is the biggie. I have been saying that in my head for so many years:

"I'll be so happy when I get married"
"I'll be so happy when I graduate"
"I'll be so happy when the baby is born"
"I'll be so happy when Jared graduates"
"I'll be so happy when Jared finds a job"

The list is endless. If you look at that phrase it looks like I'm saying I'm not happy now. How sad to be always dwelling on the future and not living in the present and enjoying the moment.

President Monson gave a talk on this subject in the October 2008 General Conference.
Quote:

"I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

He goes on to say:

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly."

I do look forward to being with my darling husband and having my own home again, but in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy my family and friends and the time I have left with them.

Digital Detachment

Lately I've been really trying not to spend so much time online. It's a hard habit to break. It's a pretty strong addiction to check emails or Sykpe to see if Jared is online or has sent me anything.

But I've been finding that I am more productive throughout my day if I limit myself to only getting on the computer a couple times a day.

There was an article in this months Ensign to this affect and I really liked this quote:
"Being constantly “plugged in” can drown out the quiet whisperings and subtle impressions of the Holy Spirit, breaking our personal connection with God and making it difficult, if not impossible, to receive personal revelation."

I'm still not that great at holding to this resolution of limiting computer time, but days like today remind me of how productive I can be when I'm not constantly on the computer being distracted by "stuff."

Sweet words

Alma 32:23 And now, he imparteth his word by angels unto men, yea, not only men but women also. Now this is not all; little children do have words given unto them many times, which confound the wise and the learned.

I read this scripture last night and it reminded me of a tender moment I had with my son.

A few weeks ago I was having a rough time dealing with everything. My sweet dear little Miles came over and patted my back and said, "Jesus love you, Jesus love you, mommy."

All things as a testimony

Alma 30:39-41, 44
39 Now Alma said unto him: Will ye deny again that there is a God, and also deny the Christ? For behold, I say unto you, I know there is a God, and also that Christ shall come.
40 And now what evidence have ye that there is no God, or that Christ cometh not? I say unto you that ye have none, save it be your word only.
41 But, behold, I have all things as a testimony that these things are true; and ye also have all things as a testimony unto you that they are true; and will ye deny them? Believest thou that these things are true?
44 But Alma said unto him: Thou hast had signs enough; will ye tempt your God? Will ye say, Show unto me a sign, when ye have the testimony of all these thy brethren, and also all the holy prophets? The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator.

I read this scripture last night before I went to bed. It particularly caught my attention because of the discussion I had with Jared yesterday. Jared has been having email exchanges with one of his friends from Purdue about the existence of God. She feels empty and alone and she is wondering what is the meaning of life. She doesn't believe in God.

I'm so grateful for the testimony I have about that God lives. I can't imagine not knowing that. I love this scripture because it is so true. Everything in my life not only denotes that there is a God but that He loves me. I think of the daily miracle of just watching my children learn and grow. How perfect their little bodies are and how they have been sent here with their own personalities. I think of the miracle of both my sons births, the one being so peaceful and beautiful, the other being difficult but even more miraculous because of the things that could have gone wrong, but didn't. I think of answers to prayers that have come by my Heavenly Father prompting others to help me and take care of me. I think of things working out for my family even in the midst of trials and seemingly unbeatable odds.

I know my Heavenly Father is there. I wish Jared's friend would just begin by saying a simple prayer. Jared asked her about it and she said she felt embarrassed to try to pray when she doesn't even believe in a God. I think the sad thing is that too many people won't even put it to the test to pray and find out for themselves. It brings to mind another scripture:

2Nephi 32:8

And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

I know that Jared is praying for this friend and I hope that (even if she has yet to say a prayer herself) she will still feel the Lord's hand in her life through the prayers of others, and that someday she will come to know for herself that God is real and that he loves her and is watching over her.

Keep Rowing

Yesterday I read an article in the Ensign called "Start Rowing."

It talked about the financial struggles of the author's family. It echoed a lot of Jared and my experiences over the past couple years. It seems like we have either been students, un-employed, or underemployed ever since we got married. I keep thinking that there must be some lessons that I haven't learned yet as we continue to be in these kinds of circumstances. I think a big part of it is trusting in the Lord that he will not forsake you, even in what "seems" like the hardest of circumstances. Too often my pride gets in the way of relying on the Lord for strength and trying to do it all on my own.

I loved the quote by Elder Groberg in the article:
“How often do we not do more because we pray for wind and none comes? We pray for good things and they don’t seem to happen, so we sit and wait and do no more. We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impressions to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”

This quote made me think about how many friends I have where the couples are doing all they can even in the midst of economic struggles. I guess it's part of being students these past years, but there have been so many examples of friends that have done all they can to live providently. I have a lot of friends that are getting into photography as a way to make supplemental income. Many friends have other little businesses, and I think it's great that they've found a way to help their families by using their talents in these various ways.

Even now as Jared is not getting paid very much he is looking into teaching English or other ways of supplementing our income in China and I'm proud of him that he is not, as Elder Groberg puts it, "sitting and waiting" for things to happen. As for myself, of course being a dental hygienist is not an option right now and I don't have any idea when it will be, but I'm also trying to find another way to help with our income. If it's successful you'll hear all about it, if it isn't than you'll probably hear about it too, but right now I don't want to give too much away. While none of these little ventures may come to anything, I feel really good about the fact that at least both Jared and I aren't sitting around waiting for Heavenly Father to bless us, but instead we both have made goals that we are steadily working towards, at the same time praying that He will bless our efforts.

Tender Spirit

Today was a difficult day with Miles.
He caught a cold a few days ago and he is one snot-nosed little boy.
Last night he only got 9 hours of sleep.
Today I did everything in my power to get him to take a nap, including giving him Benadryl in the hopes that it would clear him up a little and knock him out a lot.
He resisted and resisted and there was a lot of screaming and howling that went on for several hours while he did everything in his power to keep himself awake.

I was very frustrated by the end of the day.

And then again tonight I went in my room at about 10:00 and here he comes out of his room. He said, "I want another hug mommy" And while I know this is a delay tactic, it sure is a sweet one. I went in to tuck him in bed again and he told me that he wanted to say his own prayer.
We got back out of bed and my sweet little boy said his first prayer without help. I may be silly but I started crying. It was such a tender moment for me that my sweet little boy was able to say his own prayer.

I might get frustrated with him, but he really is such an innocent little spirit.

Friends

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

-Proverbs 31:10

I'm so grateful for the privilege I have of having such wonderful women as my friends.

They have blessed my life immeasurably.

I was so blessed to have such wonderful friends in high school. I don't get to see these friends enough, but I'm so glad that I still get to keep up with them through their blogs. I still miss them and I'm so grateful I had such positive influences during my formative years. What darling girls they were back then and what amazing, wonderful mothers they are now. I'm so amazed when I look back at what we were then and how much everyone has developed their talents and abilities.

I had so much fun during my college years with my friends there. I am so lucky that my best college friend married my cousin and that I will always have her in my life. I love her even more now than I did then and ever time we get together I miss her more because of what good times we have together. We were the best of friends being single and dating, the best of friends being newlyweds together and now the best of friends being mothers to. Whether talking about our latest crush or talking about potty-training we will always be as close as sisters.

I'm so grateful for the friends I've made through my ward families. Today I was talking to one of my dear friends from my last ward and I just missed being surrounded by such wonderful women as I had in my last ward out in Indiana. They were more than my sisters in the gospel they were all such "kindred spirits." I learned so much from the friends I had there and I knew that I could count on them for anything.

It's funny how friend relationships change over the years. My relationships with my different friends have changed so much, but even though I hardly see some of them, I still love each and every one of them and miss them. Isn't it great that you can never have too many friends?And though I will never stop loving and missing my dear friends, there are more wonderful women out there that I can meet and befriend?