Reconnected

Tonight Jared and I said our prayers together over the phone. It's amazing how much peace and comfort it brought me and how close we felt even though we're oceans apart. I miss him so much, especially after a few really rough days. But I felt again that it's going to be alright and I can get through this.

My change of heart

To an outsider looking in, it might appear that I have become somewhat of a religious zealot lately. I guess the only way for me to describe it is that I feel like for the first time in my life I've experienced a "mighty change of heart."

I have never before felt such a love for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, and such an earnest desire to serve them in all I do. I have always had a testimony, but lately I just feel something more; something stronger. A desire to serve my My Savior more fully and more faithfully. I think I'm finally experiencing what missionaries must have as they dedicate their lives to the work.

Mosiah 5:2
“Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”

In the article "Preserving the Heart's Mighty Change" by Elder Renlund given in this past October General Conference, he discusses the concept of a heart transplant and the care that must be taken in order to avoid the rejection process. He likens this medical process to that of a spiritual process.

Quote:
"Indeed, equal, if not greater, care must be taken with a spiritually changed heart than with a physically transplanted heart if we are to endure to the end."

"How did they successfully endure to the end? We know that they were “distinguished for their zeal towards God, and also towards men; for they were perfectly honest and upright in all things; and they were firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end.(Alma 27:27)”
Their zeal towards God likely reflects an eagerness to please God and worship Him with fervor and passion. Their zeal towards men suggests an ardent interest in helping and serving others. Being perfectly upright and honest in all things suggests that they held their covenants firmly and did not rationalize their commitments to God or man. We further know that they taught their children the gospel in their homes. We know that they buried their weapons of war, distancing themselves from temptations.
They must have frequently assessed the condition of their spiritually changed hearts. They did not simply assume that all was well. By figuratively examining their changed hearts, they could identify any early hardening or rejection and treat it."

These past few days have been stressful as I've dealt with feeding issues with Colin and juggling the remainder of things to be done before we leave. Consequently I've let some things slide. I want so dearly to maintain this "mighty change of heart." I know it is the way to peace and happiness in my life.

Nightly Prayers

3 Nephi 18:21
"Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed"

One of the things I miss most about Jared being gone is our nightly prayer together. It's one of the reasons I have followed him in his "night owl" ways and always stay up as late as he does. We always always say our family prayer and our couples prayer together at night. We started this ritual long before we got married. When we were dating we would always end our nights together with prayers.

My husband is a better person than I am. No matter how mad I am at Jared he insists that we still say prayers together. And quite often it turns out that I have to forgive him because it's hard to stay mad when you're talking to Heavenly Father.

I love to hear Jared say prayers almost as much as I love to hear him talk in church(he always gives such wonderful talks). When he prays I can really feel how much he loves Heavenly Father and how he has developed a personal loving relationship with Him. It makes me want draw closer to my Heavenly Father and have more love for him as well.

I know that our prayers together have strengthened our marriage. Prayer has been such a positive force for good in our marriage that I really felt it's absence between us.

Needs Met

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom. The people of the Church need each other’s strength, support, and leadership in a community of believers as an enclave of disciples. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to '… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.' (D&C 81:5.) So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds!" -Spencer W. Kimball

I'm so grateful for the wonderful people who bless my life through their acts of service.

We had Colin's four month check yesterday and he has only gained 14oz in the past two months. He's dropped from the 50% to the 10% in weight. So to add to all the other stress I suddenly was thrown into a panic about my baby.

I'm so grateful for my sweet friend Jen who was there today to give me comfort and much needed moral support. I'm grateful for my wonderful brother-in-law who was there tonight to give me a blessing. I'm grateful for my sweet sister who fed me dinner last night after a really long emotional day.

Love it

This has always been one of Jared's favorite songs by Alison Krauss. I love the words and she has the voice of an angel:

"If I could have the world and all it owns

A thousand kingdoms, a thousand thrones

If all the earth were mine to hold
With wealth my only goal

I'd spend my gold on selfish things
Without the love that Your life brings
Just a little bit more is all I'd need
'Til life was torn from me

I'd rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees
Your grace provides for me

If I should walk the streets no place to sleep
No faith in promises You keep
I'd have no way to buy my bread
With a bible for my bed

But if I trust the One who died for me
Who shed His blood to set me free
If I live my life to trust in You
Your grace will see me through

I'd rather be in the palm of Your hand
Though rich or poor I may be
Faith can see right through the circumstance
Sees the forest in spite of the trees

If I could have the world
If I could have the world and all it owns"

Pioneering

Matt 6:28-30, 32

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, how much more will he not provide for you, if ye are not of little faith"....."For your Heavenly Father knoweth that you have need of all these things"

Today I sorted through what is left of our possessions. Pretty much it consisted of family pictures, some books, a few dishes and some decorations. Almost all our furniture has been sold and a lot of things given away. I know I've tried to give off the illusion that it's okay with me, selling off or leaving almost everything we own back in the states, but the truth is, it has been very hard. We are only going to be able to take four 50lb suitcases of our stuff. So no family pictures, none of my mother's quilts, my anniversary vase, my jewelry chest, hardly any of Miles books and toys, none of my Cephalon pans or kitchen stuff (though I have to take my Henckel chef and paring knives-those are irreplaceable!).

One thing that has made it a easier in giving away things is that we've been able to help people in even worse financial situations then ourselves. I was so glad that I was able to give a lot of my nice clothes away to a friend whose husband is in a PhD program and who has six kids. We were able to leave our bedroom set at Jared's dad's house and give the furniture there to a family who needed it. And some of my kitchen stuff, some bedding and other things are going to another sister in Jared's mom's ward.

I have faith that Heavenly Father will take care of us. This scripture gave me a lot of comfort as I sent Jared off last week. I have to believe that He will watch over my dear husband and provide for him as it says in this scripture.

Just Smile

Tonight for Family Home Evening we read a story together out of the Friend Magazine. My mom got a subscription for Miles over a year ago and he loves it! It is "his magazine" and he loves being read to out of it.

Tonight we read "Just Smile" In it the little boy is told by his mother that all he needs to do to befriend a little girl who doesn't speak English is "just smile."

It is applicable to me because soon I will be in a country where I am going to be the one not understanding the language and I might have to use a lot of smiles to say, "hello," "thank you," or "sorry."

But also I think it was a reminder to me that sometimes that is all it takes to make a friend is a smile. I think sometimes in new situations I tend to hold back at first and avoid eye contact, because I am uncomfortable meeting new people. It's something I really need to get over, especially moving to a foreign country.

Just a cute little story and a tender little reminder to be more friendly.