I'm reposting this on my spiritual blog as well as my family blog. It deserves to be in my spiritual journal.
I've been thinking a lot about my children lately and how grateful I am for them. They are such wonderful little people and I truly feel blessed to be their mother. They make me a better person day by day as I learn patience and unselfishness and putting others first. They help me to strive to live the gospel more fully as I try to show them a good example and teach them correct principles. One kiss or smile or hug or "I love you, mommy" can melt away frustration and grumpiness and remind me how pure and innocent they really are.
I've had this on my mind lately because in the last week I've read and listened to two separate talks by members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles where they both stated neither of them could afford their seven or ten children when they had them. This has been true for us all three times we been pregnant. This time I felt sure that we were finally going to be ready financially to have a baby and then low and behold Jared lost his job two weeks before we found out we were pregnant. With him being unemployed again for the past few months and just lately working again it seems like a crazy time for anyone to be having a child especially in a foreign country. But when I get discouraged I look at my two beautiful boys and remember how they both came at really hard times but now that they are here I wouldn't trade them for anything. Sometimes I think back to before Miles was born and think about how life would be so different if we had just waited another year to have him. It would have meant a year of me making $60K as a dental hygienist and Jared getting out of grad school debt free. I guess to the world the choice would have been obviously for choosing income over a baby. But really the choice was obvious to me that there was no point in delaying something we have been commanded to do. So here we are years later with student loan payments but two beautiful boys and our baby girl on the way. And although I might have looked back to compare how different my life would have been- I have never regretted my decision to have children when we did- not for one single second. And yes, we don't own a house or a car and probably won't for many years. And we might be in school loan debt for years to come as well. But I'd rather have my family and my babies than a mortgage on an empty house any day.
Miles and Colin and baby girl, I just want to write this down for you my darlings, so someday you can read it and know how valued and loved you are.